Today is a good day. Today I don't feel so alone. I thought it was going to be a bad day. I woke up angry and felt like I was muffled by a big, heavy cloud. I knew we'd be going out, because we had a group to go to that I was really looking forward to - it's where I see all my favourite people. It's also a trip on the bus, which I hate, and today it's grim weather - so I didn't really want to go. I didn't really want to get out of bed, if I'm honest!
I got up though, and showered, and dressed, and got the boys sorted and we went and I had a great time - I love the crowd that are at this group at the moment, they're all lovely people and I love chatting to them (talking at them) and it makes me laugh - and Jellybean was, for the most part, a good boy (though I'm pretty sure he stole about 12 biscuits whilst I was yattering) and I enjoyed it - so I'm glad we went. I also took up the toys that came with the pushchair from Mamas and Papas and donated them to the group so felt all warm and fuzzy and good-deedy.
On the way home I bumped into and got chatting to someone I know by sight - we have children a similar age - who I'd never chatted to before (that's all the detail I'll put to protect her identity!) and where normally I'd just be polite and hurry off (I'm terrible at talking to people outside of my 'scheduled personable' periods - for all that I'm gobby and in your face I'm actually really shy and have to build up to going places and speaking to people - I find it REALLY hard) I actually got chatting to her. We chatted for about half an hour and I'd have chatted with her all day if it weren't for Jellybean deciding he'd had enough and having a melt down!
This lovely lady and I had so many shared experiences and feelings. We'd both had unexpected (but not unwanted) pregnancies and had both suffered PND. We'd both missed working and felt a need to work and, though we ADORE our children, we both miss time on our own, sans kids, to just be a person and not a Mummy. We both felt the same way about PND, playgroups, babies, motherhood, all of it - and it was so nice to chat honestly to someone about the realities of being a parent. It's glorious and joyous and filled with masses of unexpected gifts and wonder - but it's also bloody hard work, often thankless, rarely glamorous and sometimes just a bit too tough and some days you just don't want to move because it all hurts too much and there are too many bad things in the world.
I gave her my email address as we parted and I hope she gets in touch - if you're reading this lovely lady, email me - I'll buy you coffee and everything! If you're reading this, thank you for talking to me on a day that could have felt bad, thank you for understanding how I feel and not judging me. Thank you for being a great, loving mother to your gorgeous children even through the darker days - you're an inspiration and I'm very, very glad we spoke.
Also, start a blog ;-) xxx