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Friday, 29 June 2012

St Paul's Cathedral.

This is an allegory, innit.



A lot of times in my life I've wondered how I got myself into dark, nasty places, with dark, nasty people and wondered how I could get out. Those dark, nasty people wanted me to believe I couldn't, and that that was as good as life was going to get. 

I never wanted to believe them, but it's really hard to believe, when you're at the bottom, and drowning in darkness and loneliness, that there's anything else in the world.

It's hard to see the light, and to believe in your own strength, and to strive for more when you're surrounded by 'no' and 'can't' and 'impossible'.

The thing is, deep down, I really don't believe in 'no' or 'impossible'. Some things are pretty damned improbable, but impossible is quite rare. 

Someone once told Sir Christopher Wren, and all his builders, that a domed roof was impossible. Tosh, said he, and he bloody did it anyway. All knowledge, all science, all engineering before that point PROVED that what he planned to do was impossible. It just could not happen.

But look. There it is. And it has been for nearly 350 years. That slaps impossible right in the face, doesn't it? 

I once came very close to believing, entirely, that there was no way up from the despair I was living in. Then it got worse. 

Then a was given a bit of a shake, and told to man the fook up, unless I really believed that was it, and that was all I could be.

So man the fook up I did. Now I'm somewhere a very long way from that dark place. Now I'm in a very happy place. 

I have a beautiful family, and a wonderful husband who (though I may nag) is a far better man than I ever thought I would be lucky enough to marry. I have two beautiful children who give me laughter, joy and excitement every single day. Even on the bad days. They delight me. 

I have a great job where I'm learning a lot of new things, where I'm surrounded by people I really like, and I have a network of friends who are honestly just the best people you could ever hope to know. And they all seem to quite like me too, so maybe I'm not entirely vile.

Now and then I have a wobble. I wonder if I'm missing something, if I should be striving for more, and forget how incredible right now is. 

Then you stand, at mightnight, in the rain, looking at St Paul's Cathedral. And you know. Everything is perfect. Everything is perfect right now. Everything is perfect because once, a long time ago, in a dark and scary place, someone told me I'd never achieve anything, never be happy, never be liked. 

That person was wrong. A lot of people were wrong. Maybe they're wrong about you too.

St Paul's Cathedral proves it. Sometimes you just need to stand still in the rain and look. 

28 comments:

  1. Thought provoking and beautifully written.

    Gary

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  2. Just the post I needed today <3 thank you!

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    1. I'm glad - it was just the moment I needed too, and you have to share those moments.

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  3. This is a lovely piece of writing. It takes you down to the depths of despair with you and then back up again. I'm very glad you're happy now.

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    1. Thank you for your lovely comment :-)

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  4. Amanda eaton29 June 2012 22:22

    Beautifully written Elizabeth x

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    1. Thank you, you glorious lady x

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  5. Loved your post! You are such a lovely girl and worth all the love that comes your way. Just teach your kids what a strong mum they have! The hot part, they'll learn, when their friends are going to start calling you a MILF ;)
    x

    Stay strong and look at St Paul's cathedral!

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    1. You're so lovely - I'm so glad I got to meet you. I'm also glad that this made you smile, and thank you for being so lovely.

      Thanks :-)

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  6. I was over by St Pauls the other day looking at how amazing it is. This post sums it all up! Thank you for the inspiration x

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    1. Thank you for feeling inspired and commenting - it's a very happy place

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  7. I think you're uber-gorgeous in every way, for what it's worth

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    1. Coming from you, that's special <3 thank you lovely

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  8. Gorgeous post! Beautifully written xx

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  9. Fantastic post hun you have inspired me! X x

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    1. Fabulous, thank you - hurrah for you!

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  10. Amanda Jaggard30 June 2012 09:45

    What a very inspiring and beautiful blog from somebody who is clearly a very strong amazing person :-)

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    1. Thank you - what a lovely comment :-)

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  11. tweeter_sarah1 July 2012 23:46

    Very thought provoking and couldn't have come at a better time! : )

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    1. I'm glad you found it - I hope it helps :-)

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  12. Brilliant, thanks so much for pointing me to this, definately getting a mention!

    Fabulous you are now in that happy, light place and a real inspiration to others.

    Mich x

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  13. So true, beautiful post and the sentiments are really worth being reminded of regularly! Thanks Hun x

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