Missing

Yesterday morning I woke to find two up and about children, and my phone missing from the familiar spot on my bedside table.

Asking the children had them blaming each other and my phone was nowhere to be found.

I checked under the bedside table.

Things I found;

One nose spray
One dummy
One small novelty book
Two half eaten biscuits (thank you Midget Gem)
The arm from Daddytwo's glasses
A screw
A small plastic farmer
A toy car
A brio piece

Things I did not find;

My phone
Anything to explain why the bedside lamp will not work despite a new bulb.

I looked in the laundry basket.

Things I found;

A toy tractor
Two dummies
One nose spray
A wellie
Three small books about shapes

Things I did not find;

My phone
The missing stripy knee sock

I looked down the side of the bed, in that gap by the wall where things often appear.

Things I found;

Four dummies (I didn't even know we had that many)
A nose spray (What's with all the nose spray?!)
My purple ipad case
A photo in a frame I forgot we had
Four books
Six odd socks
Four toy cars
Half a packet of biscuits
A vague sense of disgust
Mild shame

Things I did not find;

My phone
The thing that stabbed my finger tip

I headed into the boys' bedroom.

Things I found;

Hubby's phone
My purse (why?)
Two dog bones (WHY?!)
Four empty drink bottles
A ball of wool
A gajillion duplo pieces that were all discovered with my feet
A stapler

Things I did not find;

My phone
The missing jigsaw piece

I headed to the playroom, and checked under the sofa.

Things I found;

A fiver (score!)
A jumper 
The missing jigsaw piece
Seventy thousand small toy cars
Enough duplo pieces to open a shop
The little bit of wood that broke off a piece of brio
Six brio trains
Three dummies
Three half eaten biscuits
A tiny mars bar
A crisp packet
A felt tip with no lid
A phone case with no phone in
Two small wooden trains
The wheels from small toy cars
Crumbs. Lots of crumbs
Something unidentifiable which smelt rank
A growing sense of self disgust and shame 

Things I did not find;

My phone
The remote that you can use to turn the volume down on the telly

I checked behind the telephone chair thingy that I'm meant to be selling but too in love with to make much effort.

Things I found;

Most of the brio train track pieces
Most of the brio trains
Seven books
A plastic dinosaur
Half eaten biscuits - too many to count (*shame*)
Three empty drink bottles
An empty mug
Two balls of wool
Three crochet hooks
Two magazines
A bone deep sense of revulsion at the way I live
MY PHONE!

Hurrah!