This afternoon I had an epic nap. I love naps. This nap contained one of those dreams that leave you feeling a bit troubled. Not a nightmare, exactly, but unsettling.
In the dream I was showing some people around my house. It was a huge house that I was really excited to show people around, and it was a kind of blend of all the houses I've ever lived in since childhood, in one giant house. Only instead of that making it really familiar there were people in doing work that make the layout really weird.
Where there were supposed to be doors the space was boarded over. Staircases led nowhere. Rooms that should be upstairs were in outbuildings. There was a huge car park underneath the house which was really fancy and expensive and as I was showing people around it I was worrying about why it was even there and how we were going to afford it.
There were rooms with loads of space, windows all around, bright and spacious - those were going to be for the children, as bedrooms and playrooms, and I was describing how I'd lay out a brio track the size of the room and nail it to the floor so that they couldn't take it apart but would be able to play every day with it.
The attic rooms were smaller, and darker, and there was one I wouldn't let anyone go inside - it was wall to wall books and a tiny desk for me to sit and write at, and it was all just for me.
There was a huge staircase up the middle of the house which was meant to take us to the finished side of the house but it didn't, and the doorways either side were closed off so I had to take everyone outside around the house to get to the rooms we were going to see.
It was very frustrating, and now I have all these worries about parts of me that are closed, and bits that I don't want to let people share, and all my best bits going to the kids whilst I worry about the giant expense I have no idea how to cover.